The following is an excerpt from a post I put on my family's forum style webpage. A great aunt and uncle had both posted with their advice on life and God's direction. Here was my response. I know I'm not the most eloquent writer, but this is something that moves me more than most things, so I tried to lay it out succinctly.

The very interesting part is that while Mike and I have been praying ever since he lost his job, and we feel like God has been very quiet. The pattern Mike and I see ourselves in time after time is that when we finally fully surrender emotionally, physically, mentally, etc., is when an opportunity finally arrives. That surrender does not, so far, seem to be something that we can just say, "Okay God, we surrender. Show us what to do!" It takes time to get there. But once again we feel like we got there within the last week or two, and then something came through. I don't think that Mike and I ever get this impression that God directly tells us, "Go! And do ABC and XYZ." So far all of our direction has come in the way of opportunities being opened and closed. Sometimes we try to force opportunities that do not necessarily, in hindsight, seem to be the ones that God had as the best option. Like going to Minnesota. We went there for very selfish reasons, and had a very difficult time there as a result. Two of our first years of marriage were spent in a place with almost no friends, a culture that neither of us really adjusted to, and no church. While it strengthened our marriage, it was not an ideal situation. Following Mike's graduation, we prayed a lot about where we would end up. And once we reconciled ourselves to doing whatever God put in our way, we got an offer for Pittsburgh where we have loved it almost since day 1. A few months ago, Mike lost his job, and again we wondered if somewhere we had made the wrong decision. We don't yet have the luxury of years or even months of hindsight, but I'm sure that as we move farther away from this point in time, we will continue to see a tapestry being woven from the fibers of our lives. At this point I just praise God that we have been able to find a way to stay here at least a little longer. I really don't like moving, and having roots, friends, and an adopted family means more to me than I think I'll ever be able to express in words. If God speaks more clearly in the coming days and months and says that other opportunities are the direction we should take, we'll do it, but I'm glad that has been postponed at least for a while. But for now I'm going to go soak up a glorious Sunday morning.

Mixed Blessings

Mike has an offer of employment! Yesterday the company that he has been doing temporary work with offered him a job working as a part of their technology team. Well, they offered him a temp-to-perm job, so there is a chance that it would not turn into full time, permanent employment, but is definitely a step in the right direction. Mike and I have been so intrigued by the idea of going into the military that I think we both thought it was the only option that was really going to pan out for us. But then this position comes along and we are, ironically, thrown for a loop.

Ever since Mike lost his job in February, he has been looking for a place where he can use his skills and his passion for excellence. The military has seemed like one of those places. Mike has really adopted that feeling that he could serve his country in a much more meaningful way than just following the rules and paying taxes. The military "job" may not be exactly what he has studied to do, but it would definitely give him the opportunity for career growth as well. But the fact is he would be gone for months at a time. I just don't know how that would affect our marriage and our relationship. This new opportunity came from a temporary job that a friend from church recruited him for. It is in technology, not I/O consulting, the hours would be long, and he isn't sure what career advancement would be available to him. However, the job is here in Pittsburgh, the city we have come to love. We would not have to leave the extraordinary friends we have made here. We would not necessarily have to leave the apartment that we love. We would be able to make even deeper roots and deeper friendships.

I'm not one to often publicly ask for prayers, and I know only about 2.5 people read my blog, but if anyone happens to see this, please pray for Mike and I. We both feel torn about what to do and would desperately covet any advice or prayers that could be sent out way. Happy Saturday everyone!

Camping

Mike and I went camping this weekend, and though we did far less hiking than normal, we did way more "memory building". Too bad the memory building was not on purpose! Firstly, we spent a long time trying to actually get out of town. Too many things that we forgot, and then trying to drop stuff off for friends, and it just took like an hour or two to get out of Pittsburgh. Once we made it to Ohiopyle we had lots of fun getting out campsite set up and getting some food thrown together. After we spent some time relaxing on the side of the river, we built a fire and just relaxed. The next morning we really enjoyed just spending some time reading, playing in the fire, and eating lots of really yummy campfire eggs. Mike makes the best scrambled eggs over a campfire for whoever really cares. We went for a hike, but cut it a little short because we started hearing thunder and really didn't want to hike in the rain. Unfortunately my new chacos decided to give me a little blister, so longer hiking was out for the rest of the day, period. We almost got run over by about a thousand bicyclists, but thats okay.

Anyway, the true memory building came in the middle of the second night. About 3:00 we were woke up by an excrutiatingly loud, "What the F*#@%$@&!!!" I thought there was a bear attacking the neighbors! Then a loud, "There is a F*#^&@^#*ing BEE!!!" "The F*#&@&ing bee is crawling into my SHOE!!!" Anyway, it went on like this for about 10 minutes. I've never heard so many profanities in the middle of the night! It was so funny that we were sleeping and were rudely awakened, and then couldn't sleep because we were laughing at the swearing lady. The next morning the lady walked by and apologized, but even her apology was chock-full of profanities. I felt sorry for all the families with small children in the campground. Imagine trying to explain to the children what that lady was screaming about. Anyway, a memory of a lady swearing will always be with us to remind us of this Memorial Day weekend.

I am getting ready to eat my cucumbers and vinegar. mmmmmmm, summer!

11 Hours

I'm pooped! Today started at 4:30 when I decided my client would be fine getting herself started and did not really need a pep talk before starting to fry her sausage patties at McDonalds. 5:30 then rolled around and I had to get up. 6:15 saw me walking into McDonalds to just see my client working like a pro. I find it funny that I had such mixed feelings. Definitely was glad that my client was doing so well, but so incredibly tired that I kind of wished that she had needed my help to make my waking up before the butt crack of dawn worth it. Have you ever noticed that when you wake up and feel guilty about deciding to go back to sleep you only really ever sleep for about 5 minutes at a time? I really hope I'm not the only one that does that. Anyway, my work day started at 6:15 and ended at 4:45, so yet again I'm pooped.

I want to take a nuclear physics class. I think I would be an amazing nuclear physicist. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha sigh, I'm so tired of human services. Is it wrong to be so tired of my chosen profession at the ripe old age of 25?

I've been remembering some of my funny stories of my younger siblings recently. I had a conversation with a coworker and client about racism today, and I discussed how I feel like I have very rarely seen blatant racism, and that was primarily because Idaho was so non-diverse when I was growing up. I remember driving through Salt Lake City when my sister was 2 or 3 and she saw a group of black people on the sidewalk, did a double take, and said, "Mom! Look at the chocolate people!" Due to her age, there is no way she meant to be offensive, but she just hadn't seen enough black people to realize tha they were not made out of chocolate! Today I had to somewhat laugh at the response of the people listening to me tell this story. One of the individuals looked disgusted, and the other laughed out loud. So interesting to me how 2 people had different responses. Now I want to know what their experiences have been to motivate their different responses. I wonder how secretly racist I am. Or maybe not secretly, but just unconsciously. I hope not very. I wonder if by trying not to be racist, I'll actually appear more racist. hmmmmmmm....

Music

I just discovered a band I like. The Wailin' Jennys. Look them up on Pandora, because they are awesome.

Just another week

I'm very busy at work. There is nothing else to say about that. Except that it is stressful to me.

Mike and I are going camping this weekend. We are going to this awesome park called Ohiopyle. Usually we get a car camping spot, but we actually have a hike-in spot this time. The weather is supposed to be perfect, and I am very much looking forward to getting out of town and just relaxing. Last time we went camping we forgot to take chairs, and this time we are not making that mistake. I love relaxing, but I prefer to at least have a small stool to sit on. Hopefully the hike in is not too long, because I really don't want to cart a chair for a couple miles. Also I'm very out of shape and don't want to hike a long ways carrying all my stuff. And I want to be near a bathroom.

Mike is making banana bread as I type. He let me lick the bowl, and now our entire apartment is filling with the most heavenly scent. I definitely scored the best husband in the world. I watched Juno with subtitles on the other day, and I really connected with the lyrics to one of the song. "I just don't see what anyone sees in anyone else, but you." I really don't. I have the most attractive, nicest, most supportive, most wonderful husband in the whole wide world. I love him more than meat loves salt.

My first blog on blogspot

Well, I am joining the masses that write blogs. Having never ever thought of myself as a blogger in any way, so far it feels a little odd. Ha, how can I even say that when, including this sentence, I have only three!

Mike is out running right now. Yesterday he did a little over 5 miles in about 40 minutes, and I haven't a clue how far he will run tonight. I walked/ran for about 1.75 miles yesterday, and that felt like plenty. My tushy is a little sore today even. Oh well, life goes on. I did push-ups yesterday too, and I can definitely feel it today. I signed up for free copies of Fitness magazine a few months ago, and now whenever I get a new copy I feel motivated to get in shape for a few days. I think mostly because I want to wear the cute workout clothes that I see them wearing, but I won't justify wearing or buying them until I will actually use them. I put my gym membership on hold a few months ago, and I'm not very good at motivating myself to work out by just strapping on my running shoes. Maybe this next week will be more motivating than the last couple of months.

I will have a busy week this week. I have two clients that need serious job coaching, and a new intern to decide what to do with. I also have a third client who needs some strong job development performed, but it may have to wait until next week. 37.5 hours just doesn't feel like enough time in a week to do all the things that I really need to do. But, I have 1.5 hours until I go to bed, and this is still my weekend, so I'm going to stop talking about work. In fact, right now I think I'm going to go give myself a pedicure. Or clean my bedroom. Dusting and vacuuming have been seriously neglected. I'm off!